Friendzone, adj., noun, verb.
- term in popular culture which refers to the state or level of relationship where one wants to pursue a romantic relationship but the other does not reciprocate and instead wishes that they remain friends.
"Wala, pare eh. Na-friendzone ako." ("Nothing, dude. I'm stuck in the friendzone")
More often, the term is further implied in lines such as:
"I don't want to ruin our friendship."
"Awww. You are the nicest guy (or girl) I ever know."
"I think we are better off just like this."
|Awww Gordo, :( screencap from Lizzie McGuire :) Childhood feels!|
The internet has exploded with stories of guys (and yes, even girls) who failed to make that one shot. These tales from all over the world, from different walks of life, have been shared to serve as an example and inspiration to those who wish and have mustered the courage to take on the next level. While the term has been recently coined and popularized, this state has long been around. Everyone knows not all relationships blossoms into ever-afters. Sometimes, it just ends there. Sometimes, it's just that.
I have yet to understand why there is so much bitterness surrounding the idea of "just friends." Maybe because I have no prior experience of being the "unlucky" one labeled as the friend or, to further deepen the wound, the best friend he could ever have. Hell yes, I know it hurts but isn't it a lot better than none at all? Doesn't that hurt less than cutting all the connection between the two of you? Isn't keeping that bond weigh better than finally turning down all cards, letting all those years go to oblivion?
You might say I am rather rude but as a girl who has observed a lot of stuff relevant to the topic noted above, I would say that being in the friendzone is not that bad at all. Sure, you say, you weren't the one in my place. Sure, you weren't the one who is silently hurting while she's (or even he) going on and on about her newfound eye-candy. Sure, you weren't the one who has tried so hard to suppress his feelings but ultimately realized that he couldn't. And finally, sure, you weren't the one who made a fool of himself, gathering all the guts just to spill what he has been trying to hide for a long time and ended feeling dejected and worthless.
Honestly, I can't say, "I know. I've been through that,too." Well, maybe you're right. It sucks not to achieve that happy ending you were wistfully thinking of. But hey, life goes on. Maybe, the one you've been persistently referring to as The One isn't just that at all. Maybe s/he is more like of a stepping stone towards that missing gem. It hurts and if that doesn't sink in yet, it would someday, soon enough. Rejection is indeed one of the worst emotions ever created but it is through them we grow. We learn that not everything goes our way but someday, you'll take the right path and find happiness stuck in a little corner. But for now, here goes the pain, here go the tears. Let them fall. Let your heart be broken to all those tiny pieces. After all, in time, you'd be picking all those up, fumbling which piece goes to another and finally learning to love over the damage.
It is easy to say that it would be better to burn all bridges. Staying away from the source of your unhappiness is the best way there is, right? Sadly, no. Maybe for now, that would seem the most brilliant plan but in the long run, you'll end up regretting over the loss of a connection that might just be one of the best things in life there could ever be. If your heart breaks every time you see them just after that eventful course in your relationship, then keep your distance if you must. Resist the urge to call, text or even check their tweets. You'd end up feeling dejected all over again. Give yourself time. Then when you are ready, renew the friendship you once had. It would be such a shame to let all those laughter, witty inside jokes, afternoon trips and study nights all go to waste.
Being in the friendzone is better than being overtly rejected. Trust me. At least when you're stuck as the friend she'd (or yes, he) always count on, maybe there's still the chance she'll see you in a different light. Still, don't get your hopes up. Free yourself from those limits of just feeling for her (or him). There are thousands of fishes in the sea. Wait patiently and you'll catch the best one for you in time.
Finally, let it go. I know it might sound cliche, but maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe, you were better off as friends. Maybe, it is in that way you'd be able to maximize time and memories with her (or even him). Maybe, right now, just at this moment, that's all you can ever be. As of now, you just might be a plant, unable to feel or in much better terms, unwilling to feel. However, I know that in time, you'd be able to allocate those feelings for someone else but only if you'd try. Set sail and look for different shores. Muster that courage once more and delve into new depths. Maybe this time, you'd find her (or him) after the long hiatus.
To sum it all up, allow me to quote one of my best-loved fictional sweethearts,
you just need faith, trust and a little pixie dust. ;)