Tuesday, May 19, 2015

oh hello

Well, I have not been faithful to writing. A lot of things happened, you know.

People come. People go.
I made a lot of hellos.
I also said a lot of goodbyes.

But I'm fine.

The summer made up for it.

and the extra scholarship.


Just a few more papers and I'll be taking extra classes.

This will be such a fun year!!!!! :))))))

I really don't write a lot about myself like I used to.
But I write prose.

And poetry.

Basically hugot stuff.

If you miss my drama write-ups, I've moved. You can check them out here:

I can't wait to write a book! (And finish pre-med haha)

Thursday, March 12, 2015

what up, March?

You know the drill--- it's hell week, I must be doing papers and studying Krebs' Cycle for good times' sake but here I am again,opting to about the nonsensical things in life (considering efficiency in the neoclassical point of view). I know. There's a part of me that urges me to go and just focus on acads till the 28th but goodness who are we kidding? That is just torture.

As always, PSYSC keeps me on my toes. After first round of NEC Elections which happened last weekend, I think I am ready to go for another try. People have been asking if I were considering running again seeing that I failed to secure a spot the first time around. My answer has always been firm. Yes, I am running. No, I am not giving up.

It's just me, I guess. Once I set my heart for something, as long as I have what it takes, then why not? I'll be pushing my limits but what is life without a little gamble? There might be people I might not be able to please, but I know better. I have learned the hard way that I could never be in everyone's favor, not when I am standing up for something I am willing to lay my heart out for. A lot of things can happen but what do I have to lose? There's this opportunity then I might as well take the plunge and let things fall into place.

I won't lie. I am scared. There's always the fear of not being good enough. Still, one question pushes me forward: "if,one day, I look back to this time in which I let my fears hold me back, will I regret my choice?"

I'd rather have a handful "Remember when..." instead of a million"What if..."

Wish me luck.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

You deserve much better

I do hope you realize that you deserve much better.

You need not compromise for a boy who sends one word replies after you have just send him a very lengthy message asking how he has been. You need not stare at your phone blankly, waiting for it to 
ring when he is clearly out with his friends again and has forgotten his promise that he’d call. You need not settle for the way he makes your heart race when he finally remembers you after a week of  silence and get it all broken again as he mindlessly ends the conversation with just three messages in  exchange. 

Because darling, if he truly cares, he won’t only call when he’s lonely and down getting that F on his paper again. He won’t only ask for you when things are not going well. You are not just on his speed dial just because there’s no one else left to talk to. If you truly matter, you won’t be his last resort.

If you truly matter, you will be on his thoughts on 7 am when the world is just starting to wake from its slumber. He will wonder if you had a good night’s sleep. He will ask if nightmares had troubled you from enjoying your dreams. You will be the one he remembers at 2 pm when crowds hit the afternoon streets. He will ask if you remembered to eat knowing that you skip meals especially when college demands too much of your time. You will be in his 11 pm thoughts when he’s still out partying just because his friends ask him out and he couldn’t take you because you are far away. He’ll remember to call or even text just so you wouldn’t worry. After all, he knows you’ll be waiting for him but you never text him because he knows you respect his space, as he does to you.

So, darling, don’t go chasing for a boy who does not know how to show he cares. Don’t fall for words alone. Don’t believe him when he tells you he loves you but his actions show otherwise. 


you need not be an option. You need not be the second choice to the person you put first. You  deserve the kind of love you are ever willing to risk your life for.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

re: update on Ella's life


I know I've been nasty on keeping promises. I have not written anything on my poetry journal for a month now nor have I kept this blog updated. Guess you can say that my hands have been too full to actually sit down and keep track of how everything is going. Still, I can assure you. I have not (yes, not even once) regretted choosing Health Sciences as my program. It gets tougher every day with all the academic requirements piling up, slowly filling my planner and taking up way too much of the time. And yes, I bought a planner, taking another shot of reorganizing my life and making sure I stay on track.

We have been dealing more about our majors this semester and so far, I have been enjoying learning so much about the field. They have actually made me question the career path I have set myself to a very long time ago. Do I really want to be a clinician? Am I really sure of going to med school, pushing myself in the academe for another 5 (or more) years? I have been learning a lot about how the health system works especially in our country and I have seen that there are other ways in which I can reach out and make a difference. Yes, being a clinician is wonderful. That was and still is my dream job. Still, given the things I have just learned, the health system needs more than that. The country needs more people in the sidelines, pushing for health policies, ensuring good governance, allocating the suitable funds,among others. After all, health is more than what we normally think it is: curing the sick and preventing disease through the power of medicine. After four months of DS, CS and HSC 191.1, I realize that there are other things people can turn to if they really wanted to make a significant change.

Well, I still have two years (hopefully) to reach a decision. Meanwhile, I must get back to that reading I need to finish for HsC tomorrow. :)

hihi DS feels

Hi! smile emoticon
I know that there has been so much hate for the administration all over the country right now because of the recent events. However, I think that present administration should not be judged on this alone. Pia, Vince and I have attended the Metrobank Foundation Professional Chair for Public Service and Governance Lecture a while ago and had the opportunity to listen to Hon. Corazon Soliman as she shared to us some of the government's effort to address poverty. Thank you to DS, we actually understood what her presentation was all about. Her lecture was wittily entitled "Will the Poor Always Be With Us?". It is interesting to note that the government is using the entitlements approach to address development. I was happy to hear that she actually saw poverty just as Amartya Sen did: poverty as a result of the deprivation of basic capabilities rather than merely the lowness of income. Although much of the government's programs (i.e conditional cash transfers) can be criticized as unsustainable, it is quite remarkable to note that these programs actually work. By work, I mean motivating the citizens to achieve what they wish to become. Seeing that the government actually cared about them gave the beneficiaries hope for a better future. Among the government's efforts to address poverty are pushing for microenterprise development and employment facilitation. I can say that I agree with her when she said, "A strong democracy can be achieved through active citizenry and responsive government."

I actually want to write more about my feels regarding DS but goodness, I have been just too lazy to write. One thing you can actually be sure of, I am happy with my program. Despite the stress and academic disappointments, I still look forward to attending my classes (most of the time, at least). Indeed, I am so blessed to enjoy all these opportunities to learn. 

Monday, January 19, 2015

"We need to talk."

Have gone mushy out of the blue. Haha oh well. :)

“We need to talk.”

Always that line.
Always that tone.
Even if you never hear as I only sent it through the phone.

I wanted to talk, wanted to hear
Your voice saying everything between us is clear.
A simple text would have been okay
Just once was enough
I never meant every minute of the day.
I was never the imposing kind,
I never wanted to make you feel caged and confined.

But clearly, that was just too much to ask.
Your hands were just too full of unfinished tasks.
You never run out of reasons and just like that,
I was just the shirt, taken off, just because it’s no longer in season.

It seemed a lifetime ago
when you were just the boy who told me he has always loved me so.
Always thoughtful, always full of care
Always has time for me to spare.

Whatever happened to that boy I once knew
Who faithfully waited and worried even if it was just the simple flu?
Whatever happened to the sweet words partaken and exchanged?
Don’t tell me they were only words to fill up the space.
Don’t tell me they were only moments mindlessly spun into place.

I should have known
I was only a mere conquest,
Another prize to be won,
Another badge to your crest.
Just like all the other girls you tease
With your smile full of charm enough to buckle anyone’s knees.

They tell me I am foolish and that I would never deny
I am still eager to listen and give us another try
But waste this chance and there will be no more
We will then just be another closed door.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

hello, blog.

And I finally found time to write.

I swear I had time waaaaaay before this but you know me. I was never good with resolutions. Hence, no, I wasn't able to keep my promise to myself. I wasn't able to write more nor was I able to read more non-academic books the past year and I doubt I'd be able to do so during this time. Still, it is worth a try.

Yes, yes. CSIW has finally passed and I no longer have the excuse of saying, "Oh no. Sorry can't make it with dinner out with you guys tonight. I have a meeting with the CORE." I can't say,"Oops. Sorry! Got to go! Have to rush since I have my deliverables due tonight," since that would already be lying. The event's over and I (deliberately) have  time---- as if there is no 40-page reading that is waiting eh? 

Point is, I have more time to write and go out with friends again! :) (Shoutout to XX who have been clearly guilt-tripping me for missing Claire's debut and the block party. Ha-ha thanks guys but I know you know that what I've been doing is for the Filipino youth.)

And you guys must be proud of me. I went out with a few friends last night to catch a movie! #YaaayProgressForEllasSocialLife. After being down for sometime (let's not go to that; my heart only breaks), it was time to move on, pick up the pieces, start over again, face the future with the chin held high blah blah oh you get the picture. =) But yes, I watched Love, Rosie with Nica, Alreen, Claire, Pia, and Vince last night and dear me, it was a sure way to have my heart broken again.

The story was just perfect and I can't help but go along others when they went, "Awww," when Rosie and Alex saw each other again after being separated for a long time. I don't know why but I always put myself in the shoes of the character when I read books or watch movies. It seemed that I felt what she felt when she let their chance go by. You knew she liked him too but she was just so afraid of losing the friendship. She was not ready to risk it and when she finally had the courage to tell him what she felt, damn Alex had to go rushing marry this girl whom I refuse ti discuss because I never liked any inkling of her personality.

But yes, the movie (and the book which I am currently burying my nose in) was all about taking chances. All the lost opportunities could have been that moment but because they were so caught up with idea that it would never work, they ended up just like that-- lost and will always be referred to as almost. Still, I'm glad of how it ended. (And good heavens, Sam Claflin will be the death of me) It proves that happy endings still happen. Only if you make the right choices in the end.

And yes, I cried. At the movie theater. Like all the other girls I was with. While Vince, the only boy in the company and who was sitting strategically in the center of us 5, was laughing out loud. Yes, he was laughing. The whole time.

I swear I am not watching a romantic comedy with Vince ever again.
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