Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Maybe I miss you. Maybe I don't.

Maybe I miss you. Maybe I don't. 
And boy, should you know that I am always tempted to 
make a call,
send you a simple text,
check your Facebook,
or even ask your friends
just to know how you are doing, how you are coping, how you are living life without us.

It broke my heart and it still does until now.
Yes, believe me, it did.
But I had to make that choice.
It was difficult, far more painful than you realize
but we both know it couldn't work,
couldn't stand,
couldn't go on.

I had my doubts. I had my own what-ifs
but I have to believe that this is the only way for us to grow.
There are days that I want to take it back,
Days when I longed for a text asking how my day went,
a call just to hear me on the other end,
a joke even how lame it sounded just so you know you made me smile.

But I have to be firm.
I cannot give what I do not have
and it would be selfish of me to keep you waiting.
Time-- it is one of the best things you can give to someone
and I am sorry I am in no position to give that away right now.

You might read this.
You might still be checking up on me.
I can only hope.

Still, right now, I wish for your happiness.
I wish that you remain steadfast in your choices.
I wish that despite all, life continues to bring you joy.

For now, I am holding on to the possibilities but I am okay. I know you are too. 
You will be, eventually, hopefully.

And I say goodbye to the phone calls.
I shall keep my distance
and sail along life just as I know you would.

Maybe someday we'll see each other along the way
and who knows we might be able to catch up with what we put off from way back.

But I could not tell.
Perhaps I never would.
I can only wait,
wait until all things fall into place
and I might be surprised just to see them
all in places I ever wished for them to be.
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