Monday, August 4, 2014

the closed door

hi ella :)

  It was just that. Simple. Two words. A smiley. From an unknown number. 

  It was enough to trouble me. How on earth did this happen? My mind was trying to single out any person who could ever text in the middle of the night just to say hi. I found nothing. What I had in mind though were the reasons why this should not have happened:
  • I don't give out my number to random passersby. In fact, I always have second thoughts whenever I share my contact details. 
  • "What do you want?" - I wanted to reply but lo, I had no load to pester this unknown number for his/her identity. What made him/her text me anyway? I find no logical reason.
  • I am simply me. Ordinary. Plain. Average on the current societal standards I am in. No reason to flirt (if it were exactly that) with me ever. 
  • just a plain, big "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY?"
    • and of course, "WHO ON EARTH ARE YOU?"
   Incessantly curious I was, I waited till the end of the camp just so I could text this sender back. The stranger called some time but I never answered. S/he could always introduce him/herself through the more efficient and less expensive method: texting. After all, s/he started it. 
  Me: "hello. sino po ito?" ("hello, may I know who is this?")
  Number: ....
  Me: "hellooooo (?) how did you get my number? sino ito please?"

The reply only contained one letter, enough for me to find the answer to my mystery.

The stranger was no stranger, after all. He used to be a friend. Yes, used to be. We used to see each other a lot of times on campus. It was a small university compared to others, after all. Bumping into each other on the red brick road, we'd smiled even from afar. There were times he'd asked me to eat lunch or dinner together and of course, I'd say yes. We were friends. There was nothing more to it.

Well, that was what I thought.

Before, he used to joke around and proclaim he had a crush on me. Of course, I set it aside. There could nothing be between us. I only liked him as a friend and besides, being in a relationship is far from my list of priorities. At first I thought it was only because many people were already shipping us. 

It then turned out to be true.

He confessed and told me what he really felt for me. It was a sweet gesture nonetheless. Who would never appreciate being appreciated anyway? His words were, "I don't care if you don't like me back. All i know is that, I'll always like you no matter what. You annoy me sometimes but I'd rather spend every irritating moment with you rather than living a day without you." I tried to talk sense out of him but clearly it wasn't doing anything. I rejected him a lot of times on his face but he was persistent. I still have his letters and the mixtape he gave me for my birthday but no, I still didn't like him that way. What could I ever do to make it stop?

There was no other choice but to cut off all connections from him. I never replied to any of his text messages and I didn't respond to his calls. I deleted his number (thank the heavens I did not memorize his) and refused to see his posts on any form of social media. 

At first, the messages kept on coming. He kept calling.

And then, it all stopped. 

I thought that was the end but then here he goes again, knocking on the closed door. I try to be polite but I can't. I don't think I can. 

After all, I don't want to open it anymore. 

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