Still Up

Up and about again for three months in the academic battlefield! 

   I cannot deny the fact that I had enough of the break. It's only Day 3 but all I ever look forward to is that 4-day break by the end of the month. Talk about positive thoughts. 

    I feel really bad for taking some time off my Filipino paper which is due this Friday and I am still working on the second page out of five. Oh well. #YOLO haha kidding. This is what happens when I run out of relevant thoughts. If I continue to work on that paper, oh no. I would be rambling about the most random stuff and poof! There goes my chance of redeeming a good grade for this semester.

    You know what's weird? My Filipino paper's due this week but I found myself cramming to finish it. Meanwhile, there's my paper for Literature which is due God knows when (my professor never bothered telling us when she really wants it) but that's what I did over the break!

     Compared to Fil, it proved to be easier, I swear. Our Lit prof wanted us to analyze one song and one classic poem of our choice and contrast and compare the images used throughout the different compositions. 

      What made it easier for me is that I only needed sawi vibes to get it done! Why? That's because I spent a lot of time searching for that poem and guess what I ultimately had my hands on? A poem about LOVE! Easy-peasy. This emotion is totally relatable. Robert Browning really captured it perfectly. Here it goes:

The Lost Mistress

All's over, then: does truth sound bitter

As one at first believes?

Hark, 'tis the sparrows' good-night twitter

About your cottage eaves!

And the leaf-buds on the vine are woolly,

I noticed that, to-day;

One day more bursts them open fully

---You know the red turns grey.

To-morrow we meet the same then, dearest?

May I take your hand in mine?

Mere friends are we,---well, friends the merest

Keep much that I resign:

For each glance of the eye so bright and black,

Though I keep with heart's endeavour,---

Your voice, when you wish the snowdrops back,

Though it stay in my soul for ever!---

Yet I will but say what mere friends say,

Or only a thought stronger;

I will hold your hand but as long as all may,

Or so very little longer! 

I could not help but fangirl over this literary piece. Reading it the first time around didn't stir anything yet. However, reading it once more with fresh eyes completely opened me to all those feels. Yes, I emphasized some parts of the poem because it was too much to handle. <///3 Here we have a couple where the girl just finally called it quits. Then, we hear the guy's reaction to his sweetheart's decision. Rejection just slapped him hard on but he managed to keep his cool. See how he was stalling as if to deny that this was really happening? People who have experienced break-ups could totally relate to that. 

The poem mentions the sparrow’s good-night twitter. The use of this image is no coincidence. Sparrows usually stand for freedom and true love while the night symbolizes the end of a day. The sparrow’s good-night twitter may signify the end of the connection and love between them.

            He also notices that the leaf-buds on the vine are woolly. These buds are already ready to burst open.  This image also implies that this conversation happened in springtime by nightfall. Also, by saying “one day more bursts them open fully,” he might mean that their relationship could be something more. However, she chose to break it off and call it quits. The persona also acknowledges that “… red turns grey,” as if to imply that it is inevitable for their wistful feelings to end.

   It was brave of him to maintain a positive outlook and believes that they could still be mere friends. Despite that painful loss, he knows that there is a need for him to pull himself together. Unlike most people when the relationship ends, he still imagines life without her as his lover. He doesn’t harbour any ill feelings towards the girl and even asks her, “Tomorrow, we meet the same then, dearest?”

     Yet the poem doesn’t end there. The persona knows that it is difficult to remain friends after a break-up. Isn’t this the common notion for couples who part ways? The fourth stanza echoes the doubts of turning romance into friendship. Here, the persona conveys a sense of longing for their broken relationship (For each glance… I keep with heart’s endeavour). However, he knows that he must restrain himself for there are things that once lost which could never be found again as there are things broken which could never be fixed once more.

     He also tells her that her that her voice “when you wish the snowdrops back” will “stay in [his] soul forever (lines 15-16).”  Again, this echoes his difficulty to let go of his beloved. However, readers must know that snowdrops bloom very early in spring and wilt in the heat. (Steinbergs) Symbolically, the snowdrops may represent their relationship, something blossomed earlier but met an abrupt end as it reached its peak. Saying that his lover might wish the snowdrops back can mean that she might regret her decision after all. This image is ambiguous as it could also mean that like the snowdrops, their relationship was something that blossomed after all. However, time did not permit it to be perennially in bloom.

     In the last stanza, we see how the persona finally reacts to the break-up. Like everyone else who had been rejected, he could only accept his beloved’s decision. He will say what mere friends say. He would make sure their connection is intact although it is painful to be stuck in what we call in today’s terms as the “friend zone.” 

 SO. MUCH. FEELS. </////3

Okay. I spent 30 minutes blogging already. Time to go back to that Fil paper. Bring it on! Woohooooooo!