what cannot be

I'm stuck. 

I'm in the middle of my own crossroads. 

How confusing this life can possibly be?

   There are things that I want to do but I shouldn't,

   and things that I should do but I wouldn't.

    Time goes and so does the things that I forget but I must remember,

    but why should the things I remember are those I need to forget?

I've yet to search for the answers. I've yet to come up with clues. 

Still, I wonder. Why must we keep on pining on what cannot be?

talk about awkward

Remember the time when you had the biggest crush on someone you barely knew? Your eyes just met but there was something in him that made you look back while walking fast ahead. He wasn't the best one in the crowd but you never knew what snapped. You liked him just like that.

Remember those times you get giddy whenever a notification pops and you see that it actually pertains to him? Whenever your phone vibrates, you quickly take it out, hoping against hope that the message was from him. Those were the days that a simple conversation would take you for hours, with you hoping he'd continue talking and texting back even if it meant just an exchange of smileys.

Remember when he was one of the usual conversation starters among friends? You could go on talking about how your story started and how you still wish it wouldn't ended just like snow when the sun appears; something which slowly melts away. He was, in fact, one of the biggest crushes you ever had. Who would ever thought that you would still remember those moments until now?

How then would you ever forget how your heart broke over the loss of communication, the loss of everything you once had right after one sudden question? You could only guess as there was no closure. You just knew. You just saw.

"In a relationship," 

read on his profile page. Frozen, you didn't know what to say. What happened to those few weeks of kilig? Ah, finally it all ended.  No more sense on waiting. He didn't, anyway. What did you expect?

Years passed by and you tried to forget. Still, you couldn't. He was, after all, one of the milestones, so to speak. But who knew how the universe conspired to make both your roads diverge once more? Who knew he'd end up in the same university as you did? Who knew there would even be more chances, more possibilities to see him once more, to work along side with him and to get to know him after all those growing years?

You, after all this time, haven't forgotten. Awkwardness fills the void of conversation. Panic rushes whenever you catches his eye. What do you do? What do you say? Do you even look okay?

Still, you remind yourself, he wasn't the same boy you used to know. He has grown, as you also have. Why don't you try to get over the past and let it be?



Oh boy. Easier said than done. 

the first taste of sophomore life

I am dying.

Only three weeks into the semester, the big pile of readings, research papers, lab reports and quizzes has kept me up all night. There is rarely a day without any homework. I swear my brain is going to crash some time soon. Sometimes, I find myself struggling to keep both eyes open in class especially when rain makes some random appearance amidst such humid weather. You see, 11 pm is still early for us. Working late and waking up early for class the next day seems to become a lifestyle for all of us.

So much has happened during the course I wasn't able to blog. (So much for the resolution of writing more this year. Damn. I really shouldn't have made any promises that might seem so hard to keep.) Anyway, in a nutshell, everything happened:

• summer classes and the struggle to get those As (Yes, GC. Let me beeee. It's the one of the few things that keep me on track)
• PMSA PlanSem in Antipolo waaaaay back in April-- I ended up not missing too much sleep as my body got used to all the sleepless nights in PSYSC :P
• finally entering the world of legalities-- yay to the perks of voting and getting that driving license soon! (char. :P)
• surprises big and small :) 
• taking the big leap to apply and getting in the CSIW Core 2014! (more details on this soooooon. Hopefully. :') )
• perming my ever-so-straight hair! :'">
• not getting into most of classes because I was batch 2 and finally resorting to manual registration
• travelling alone!
• experiencing the hassle of manreg and getting stuck in Pol Sci, a class taken up in the third year, instead of Econ because no more slots left :(
• stuck with 3-hour Saturday classes despite having NSTP on Wednesdays. Pol Sci, I still cry :'(

I guess this is it then. It is another year closer to the end of the chapter. No longer the little kids fresh from high school, professors aren't that lenient anymore. Bombarded with all the papers and upcoming exams, I feel like we've been in school longer than we really are. 

This semester, Youtube is my study buddy. No longer could I rely on my ears and eyes for complete understanding of concepts. I can only help myself knowing that I really couldn't learn much from class. Imagine having a professor who keeps talking about the Creator and how He has made all things wonderful. Imagine that same professor who skips a whole section of the book just because "I don't believe in such things." Really? I thought we were learning about animals here, not theology.

Don't get me wrong. I know that He is an infinite, ineffable presence (I learned that in Theo! yaaay!) and I get that we have to recognize that there is this Supreme Being who has created the world out of nothing. But then, does one really have to dismiss the facts of science just because one does "not believe" it can be true?

Oh well. I would never know the answers. I do hope the one reading this doesn't get me wrong. I just can't take it any longer. 

UGH.



HOW WILL I SURVIVE THIS SEMESTER?




Dear heavens, help.

Fooling around during Theo. Ma'am + some of the class weren't there yet soo..
yeah, basically, you get what I mean :P