reality check #1

It has been hell. And heck, it's not even midterms yet. 

The past week has been really depressing. I ought to be studying by now. Studying. On a Saturday night. Yes, I was lenient with myself last night. Indulging with an 8-hour sleep, it was enough to keep me awake during my Political Science class where in my professor could go talking for hours without knowing we'd all slowly be losing ourselves in a dream. 

This semester has not shown its silver lining yet. Our Zoology professor has most of her thoughts on religion. Picture that. We were supposed to discuss evolution (it was in the syllabus and  yes, it was included in her slides as well) but she skipped it. She skipped a huge chunk of her presentation just because "sorry, [she] does not believe in it." (verbatim) We just had her long test and although I can say it was manageable, those things were taught in high school. I know I should have not been complaining but I was expecting to enhance the knowledge, knowing that we were in college after all, in a pre-medical course nonetheless. 

I wonder where this could possibly lead on. *sigh

Then there's Org Chem. No matter how hard I try, it seems that my position wouldn't budge. I spent way too much on coffee. I have dark, heavy circles under my eyes and please, if these were all-the-rage designer bags, I'd be gaining a fortune from selling them. I did all the problem sets and spent more time on it as I could be sleeping. "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" would come more frequently out of my mouth that "I get it!" during the lecture. And that, Dear Reader, isn't good. It rarely is. It never is. I submit my pre-labs on time and boy, those questions weren't easy to answer. My lab professor's quizzes are like hell to go through. My responses to his droning voice would always be:

•  "Why did I ever forget this part?"
•  "Ha? That was part of the experiment?" 
•  "Oh no. Not this."  
•  "But I wasn't able to answer that in the pre-lab!" 
• "I am going to fail his quiz. AGAIN."
• no other choice but to cry inside and still manage to keep a straight face 

I thought burning the midnight oil would be worth it but why I get such mediocre results? Sometimes I wonder if I was brilliant enough to stay in this course, much less the university. It had kept me all night, honestly. Call me GC (Ugh, is it always a bad thing to be grade-conscious?) but dear heavens, there's that standard I have to fill in. And no, it's not only that. Of course, there's the long list of societal expectations I think I might not be able to reach. 

This week has brought about the first wave of long tests and the experience has not been quite pleasant. Dear heavens, I need that lucky streak.